Another Type of Adventure: Vipassana

A quick note: this is a pretty emotional post for me. Trigger warning for negative self-talk. I’ll welcome notifications of any glaring mistakes/typos, but not any advice on my experience no matter how well meaning. Please keep in mind I did little research about Buddhism in general before I went and am learning. I’m still evolving my opinion on this, so my current views may not be what I wrote here.

What is Vipassana?

So what exactly is Vipassana? Their literature explains it better than I can:

Vipassana is a simple, practical way to real peace of mind and lead a happy useful life. Vipassana means “to see things as they really are.” It is a logical process of mental refinement through self-observation.

You spend the first three days practicing Anapana meditation where you observe the breath and sensations in the area around your nose. Then on day four, you start with Vipassana which is observing the sensations on your whole body sequentially. On the last day, you practice Metta where you practice feeling and sending out loving kindness for others.

As a new student, you must agree to the five precepts or sīla: to abstain from killing any being, stealing, sexual misconduct, wrong speech, and all intoxicants. You also enter Noble Silence, where you do not speak or interact with the other meditators – no gestures, miming, or eye contact. Basically, it is supposed to feel like you are there by yourself. You can speak to the Assistant Teacher or Course Manager with any questions or concerns, but not in any kind of way like yelling across the room. Always respectfully and quietly so as not to disturb the other meditators.

The daily schedule is rigorous. See below for the timetable:

So you see, this can mean anywhere from 3-11 hours of continual meditation depending on how diligent you are. The meditations and discourse are audio and video recordings of Goenka from the 90s (I think?) and the Assistant Teachers are there for questions at certain times (more on this later).

There are a lot of terms thrown at you and it can be daunting to try to absorb all of them at once, especially if it is your first time hearing the actual words. The main ones that seem to be used the most are:

  • Dhamma – the law of nature and path to liberation
  • sīla – morality
  • samādhi – concentration
  • paññā – wisdom
  • anicca – impermanence
  • equanimity – the English word was used the most, but it has a specific meaning relating to the practice: observing the mind-body phenomenon without creating a new reaction of craving or aversion.
  • saṅkhāra – the reactions to bodily sensations that become habits and can be categorized into one of two camps: craving or aversion. These are the seeds of mental habits that lead to misery.

So the basic process goes – observe the sensations on all parts of your body in an orderly manner and not react to them. If you feel something good like tingling or warmth, that is the reality of your body at that moment, and you are to remember that it will arise and pass, constantly changing – anicca – and there is no use in creating an attachment to a sensation that constantly changes. The same goes for pain, no use in trying to avoid it, the sensation will arise, stay for some amount of time, and pass. Sometimes this process is lightning-quick and sometimes it makes you wonder if there are such things as permanent sensations. Reacting to the sensation with craving or aversion creates saṅkhāra and leads to misery.  The mental conditioning of remaining equanimous will cause the saṅkhāra to pass and the deeper you go, releasing old patterns and conditions. It all boils down to observing the sensations of your body, experiencing the truth of your reality moment to moment and not reacting to it, realizing that each moment your reality changes, and there is no use in creating attachment to it. I probably got some of that wrong, so please don’t take my interpretation as any sort of teaching.

There is of course more to all of this, a lot more doctrine, but the point is not to intellectualize, but experience this reality in the framework of your body, to fully EXPERIENCE REALITY and remain objective. The end goal is to create no new saṅkhāra and become liberated, fully enlightened – a Buddha.

According to SN Goenka, the historical Buddha Siddhartha Gautama taught this technique as the path to enlightenment about 2500 years ago in India, and over time the technique was lost there. It was preserved in Myanmar (then Burma) and made its way back in the 70s with Goenka who opened centers to teach this method, eventually making his way to the States. His Dhamma talks or discourses are what you watch every evening where he’ll discuss the nuances and logic of the technique, give the history, and tell stories to really help it stick.

Always throughout all of it, you are asked to not just believe it because he says so or Buddha said so, but to seek the truth yourself and experience reality in your own body. It doesn’t matter if you end up not believing every little thing he says, Goenka just wants you to give the technique a fair trial. During your course, you are asked not to practice any other rites or rituals, not to practice any other sort of mediation or mix it with Vipassana, so as to keep the technique pure, and throughout the course, you’ll begin to see why he asks this.

Another thing expressed pretty frequently is that this mediation style is not a religion or sect, nor do you have to “convert” or give up your current religion if you have one. The Dhamma is universal which means Vipassana is non-sectarian – anyone and everyone can practice. They don’t accept money from outside sources as a way to keep it free from influence. The entire course is free for everyone, with everything being paid for by donations from old students. In fact, even if you wanted to donate just because you think it’s a good thing, you’d have to take a course first. They were transparent with their finances giving a slideshow presentation on their current budget. But don’t take my word for it, take a course and see. Or don’t, it makes no never mind to me.

Well anyway, that’s the barebones of Vipassana and once again I must emphasize please don’t take that as a lesson. If you are interested in their program, you can go to dhamma.org and see all there is to see and make your own decision if a course would be beneficial for you.

My Experience

I was intrigued by this 10 day course as a way to force myself to meditate, with the ultimate goal of finding a way to quiet my noisy brainmeat. I’ve toyed with various forms of meditation over the years that never seem to stick or provide any benefit. As soon as I tell myself I need to do something (it will be good for me dammit!) the contrarian part of me starts to buck and then I never follow through. I think it’s called demand avoidance now? If I’m somewhere without a phone and in a structured environment, then surely I’ll focus on meditating! I read the website in all its 2003 GeoCities glory and decided to go for it – without much thought, gotta be tricky with Miss Contrary and just say we’re already doing this so get onboard!

I drove to Jesup, Georgia bundle of nerves and agitation. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was getting myself into. Why didn’t I just book a nice beach vacation? Surely that would be more relaxing than sitting in the swamp. Dhamma Patāpa sits outside the crossroads known as Jesup off a dirt road in the middle of the woods. The campus consists of the Registration hall, the Meditation or Dhamma hall, the Dining room/Kitchen, and the Living Quarters. The women and men are separated and you only really “see” each other in the group sits. Each person gets their own simple room with an attached bathroom, and I didn’t realize this until much later but there is a meditation “cell” also in the room (though in mine it was a door latched shut from the outside with a slide bolt that had a combination lock on it. Until I was informed of the code on Day 6, I thought it was just a closet they reeeeallly didn’t want us using.)

So day one, I got there, got my room all setup, sat in the blessed A/C, and waited until 5 for dinner, after which there was a presentation and an intro meditation in the Dhamma hall. That’s when Noble Silence started. I saw in various sources that people had a hard time with the silence. I thought it was a relief. How delicious! I didn’t have to talk to anyone and think of the proper things to say. I didn’t have to look anyone in the eyes and judge how often I could look away without seeming uncomfortable or weird. I didn’t have to interact and constantly judge myself on my performance. OH GOD HOW DELICIOUS. (Also I hadn’t realized how much I talk to myself out loud.)

The first meditation is just watching your breath and the area around your nose. I quickly got bored with this and it became very apparent with a brutal swiftness how LOUD and OUT OF CONTROL the noise in my head was. When you take away all the outside noise the only thing left is the internal chaos. I already knew going into this that I was distracting myself on the daily with all the social media doom scrolling, TV show binging, obsessing over various hyper fixations, etc. I just hadn’t realized how loud the noise in my head had gotten to counteract all the distractions. I also hadn’t realized how much pain and tension there was in my neck, shoulders, and mid-back. It all got rather overwhelming and I was bored by not having my constant companion – my phone for those quick dopamine hits.

How was I supposed to concentrate with all this noise going on? Also just observing your breath and nose area is monotonous, though that’s the point: to sharpen your mind. So you can observe the gross (as in large & discernable, not the icky meaning) and subtle sensations.

That first day, I mostly spent berating myself for “not doing it right” and the more I told the noise to shut up, the worse it got. Tinnitus laughed the loudest. However, I started to see a pattern. There was the Narrative Voice, the Ego, the main “I, me”, who really wanted to be helpful and describe/narrate everything going on. There was the Demon Voice who said really nasty mean things. The Harpy Voice who whispers all the cringe/stupid/inconsiderate/hypocritical things I’ve done in a real tricky way. There is the Daydreamer who likes to fantasize about the future. The Planner likes to make lists and be analytical. Then there is the Higher Self (who’s that – never seen her) or the Metta voice that quietly works with loving patience for my own good, even if I don’t recognize it. It was her that sent me here.

I didn’t know it was working as it should. Becoming aware. Once I recognized the voices as something that were there, they just seemed to get louder. There was also a NON-STOP reel of Paul Simon’s “You Call Me Al” running in the background. But eventually and we’re talking Day 8 here, the noise seemed to get quieter, more of a background noise I could ignore. And when the voices did pipe up it was easier to slide back into concentration on the sensations.

When you are in the group sit at the Dhamma hall everyone is arranged in a grid with a large pad and pillow to sit on. You have assigned seats so I began to think of the few women around me as my Pod Buddies, and with little to do, began observing them (not in a creepy way) – just making note of the way they expressed themselves even without speaking.

There was the Doctor (who had a coffee tumbler I saw at meal time stating she was not Ms/Miss/Mrs, but Doctor so and so) who seemed to have a very upfront and confident manner. She lived in a sunny area based on her tan and in fact, once we were allowed to speak the last day, found out she lives in Florida. There was the Kneeler who was very serious and quiet, walking slowly but not depressed seeming – just concentrating. There was the Golden Retriever (I AM NOT CALLING HER A DOG) she just had that energy. I clearly read her excitement one day when we had Rosemary Mac n’ Cheese – she was practically bursting with it.

I know we were supposed to pretend no one else was there, but that’s pretty impossible when you are eating/walking in near proximity to 25 other women. You have to be aware of their movements, which is why it was easy to observe their personalities as well. Other women were so quiet and subtle that they were practically invisible.

On the second day, I maimed a gecko. Not purpose, I swear! They provide empty big yogurt containers and a piece of cardboard to gently escort bugs and various intruders outside (remember: no killing any living beings). I came into the Dhamma Hall for group sit and spied a gecko in front of the Doctor. She was already settled in on her cushion, ready to meditate, so I got the Bug/Intruder Transporter to relocate the gecko outside. Surprisingly the gecko didn’t dart off as soon as approached. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but somehow when I put the container over the gecko and tried to slide it onto the piece of cardboard, the little guy’s tail got chopped off. It sat on the side of The Doctor’s pillow still wiggling. I stared. She stared. I was silently trying not to laugh/freak out. I tried to scoop up the tail, but it kept wiggling away. I decided to move the gecko out first – sans one tail and put it outside in the bushes with a fervent plea for forgiveness. I came back with a tissue to relocate the still-moving tail to the trash can. Meanwhile, The Doctor is trying to valiantly not make eye contact and laugh. I finally sat on my cushion and spent the next ten minutes ruminating on the whole event.

When you don’t have outside distractions, you tend to make your own entertainment when not actively meditating. Near the Dining Hall is a small Lily Pond that has a few fish in it. We were explicitly told not to feed the fish no matter how long they longingly stared at us. Around the pond are situated various seating areas where you can sit and stare at the carpet of the lily pads on the surface. If you stand on the dock long enough, the fish start appearing near the surface. There’s only about 4 inches of visibility – she murky. The smaller fish appear first, then the middlin fish, then finally from out the darkness will emerge a big ole catfish who does a couple of sweeps, deems no food is forthcoming and then disappears to “the depths”. I called this Fish TV.

And then there was the Butterfly Show. Close to the windows, there was a large butterfly bush that predictably, attracted butterflies. I saw Monarchs, some Swallowtails, and what I was calling the Yellow Flappies – all yellow smaller ones that seemed to just flap about. Watching them go about their daily business tended to calm something in me. Seeing that work just happen naturally and without seemingly much effort. There they were living their butterfly lives collecting food.

By my living quarters was a smaller pond – more of a bog really, surrounded by large bushes so you couldn’t even really see it. It was full of croaking frogs that started their show at dusk. You had to pay careful attention when walking back at night to not step on them when they hung out on the walkways. One night there was a large thunderhead that was putting on a show of summer lightning (the horizontal kind without the thunder) right above this bog with all the frogs singing their chorus. I stood out in the grass for about 30 minutes looking up at the light show and vibing to the Frog Town song below.

One morning coming back from my 4:30 sit, it was still dark and there was a mist carpeting the ground. It was just barely starting to lighten and off to my left I was startled to see a family of four deer and one fawn illuminated by the walkway lights. They were peacefully grazing against a backdrop of towering pines with the morning mist curling around their hooves. I stared and stared. They kept on about their business until whatever instinct told them it was time to melt back into the darkness.

Though I sought these natural outside entertainments, they were few and far between. The entire structure of the program is meant to be distraction-free. The buildings are simple with no decoration. There is nothing to read except the Daily Schedule posted in your room or the notice board in the Dhamma Hall. I kept reading the Daily Schedule at first just to make sure I had it right, and then because there was nothing else to read. You aren’t supposed to exercise, but you can take a walk outside. There is a Women’s Walking Path in the woods that seemed like it was more of a test on your equanimity. The very second you stepped off the gravel path and into the swampy woods the mosquitos attacked you with a vengeance and military precision. I stuck to the gravel paths around the buildings which were mostly bug-free.

After three days of watching your breath and sharpening your mind with Anapana, you are taught the actual Vipassana Technique. You start by observing the sensations on your body from head to toe, going part by part. Any sensation, it doesn’t matter. Itchy, warmth, tingling, buzzing, pain, tension – it all counts as a sensation. You observe and you don’t react. You remember this will change. Everything is impermanent. My brain took this to this with alacrity. Finally something to do other than observing my stupid nose! Lol. But even then I kept getting stuck and then distracted by my thoughts.

I discovered, much to my initial chagrin, that I carry so much pain and tension in my cervical and thoracic spine. It was like a clenched fist encased in concrete. Sitting on the cushions for an hour was hard in itself, but with this pain, it became almost unbearable. I constantly wanted to slump and round my back, or alternately tense my shoulders even more to crack the spine. It kept building and at points, it felt never-ending. I was going to die in this tension – I was screaming for relief. This pain was not going to arise and pass as Goenka said – he doesn’t feel what I feel. And then something somewhere clicked. I began to distance myself from this pain. I could still feel it, but I thought I will not have a reaction. And I didn’t. It only worked for a second or two at first. Then I realized I could hold that neutrality for longer. Then something happened where my shoulders relaxed and released that tension. My neck relaxed and I felt the stretching. I noticed muscles I never “felt” before releasing their tension. And slowly, so slowly, the pain began to recede. Near the end, I was able to sit for 45 minutes without moving and maintaining neutrality for about a minute or so in spurts. And yet the last two days I still felt like a failure.

From everything I read/saw/heard before, they say the first 3 days are the hardest and most will want to leave. I found that I never wanted to leave and it was all difficult but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to do it. In fact, I kept wondering why anyone would leave – it was boring at points, easy at others, confusing, and of course difficult, but never did I think I can’t do this or I want to leave. In turn, this made me think I must be doing the technique wrong. I’m doing this wrong! I’m a failure! Everyone else is understanding and getting it, why can’t I?!?

So it confused me that the last two days I felt worse and couldn’t stop crying. I was supposed to be happy and peaceful by now right? All the smiling faces they say you’re supposed to see at the end of the course. Something is defective with me, I didn’t get this right, right!?!? I’ve wasted all this time! I was so dug into my own misery, not seeing that the technique was working. Not realizing it quite yet. But in order to release the saṅkhāra you have to feel the saṅkhāra and not react. You have to remember your breathing and bring yourself back. You have to remember that this is all impermanent. That’s what you’ve been practicing this whole time, right?

I was so stuck in my own thoughts though, going round and round. You made a mistake coming here, should have had a fun vacation! You’re such a failure! Can’t even do something as simple as remember to look at your breath. Hey remember that time you got so drunk and fell asleep on the toilet? That was real dumb and so cringe. You know everyone doesn’t like you? How can they, they don’t even know the real you! The sad sack real you! They think you are a fat weirdo. Who would love a fat weirdo who can’t even understand simple instructions?  You know what you should do? Make a plan to start a healthy routine in the morning…but you know you won’t cause it’ll just fail. You can’t make healthy choices for yourself because you selfishly want to do the easy lazy thing. You know when people try to tell you something positive about yourself? That’s you being a fat lying liar because you tricked them into believing that. ***Trumpets*** If you’ll be my bodyguard, I can be your long-lost pal, I can call you Betty, and Betty, when you call me, You can call me Al.***Piccolo solo*** SEE you can’t even get rid of this song! It’s real catchy though right? BREATHE. OBSERVE. Be aware and be equanimous.

All of that and more swirled in my head the last two days. The thing that really triggered a big storm was the Metta meditation on the last day. You’re not supposed to have any pain in your body or any gross intense sensations. Mentally, you should feel no hatred, anger, or animosity towards anyone. Then you can do this meditation where you feel loving kindness and send it out into the world. May all beings share in my merits and all that jazz.

Well, the sticky point with me was that I didn’t feel that loving kindness. I had great animosity towards myself – see above. So once again you are a failure, you can’t complete something as vibing in loving kindness? What, you don’t want to send out love? What kind of monster are you? Yeah, cry like the little baby you are. But be quiet about it, no one else cares, so don’t make any noise. I just sat on my numb legs with tears sliding down my neck and then when group sit was over went back to my room for a big ugly (but silent) cry. Noble Silence was over at this point, but still didn’t want anyone to hear.

Every day at noon you could sign up to speak with the Assistant Teacher and there were two, one for women and one for men – who “lead” the group meditations. Though, as previously mentioned, it is recordings of Mr. Goenka you are listening to, the A.T.s are there for questions about the technique as they are highly trained in it. I went to speak with my A.T. and she talked me down in a manner of speaking. She pointed out that this crying was proof that the technique was working, a release. And that as time goes on and with more practice, I’ll be able to come out of those storms quicker. Remember to breathe. Remember to be aware. Remember equanimity. I said a bunch of stuff, which she point by point addressed, and I think finally stepped out of the rote repeating of Goenka’s teachings. Talking with her was the balm that I was hoping to get from the Metta meditation. And though I still felt like an open wound, there was the seed of healing.

It’s only afterward, as I’m processing all this, that I think I expected myself to be perfect at meditation – hello! growing up as a “Gifted Program kid” – and that when I wasn’t, the recriminations started. Intellectually I knew this, but it took feeling it fully and coming out of it to experience that I can be imperfect at something and IT WILL BE OKAY. It really is absurd that I thought I’d be immediately good at this meditation. Especially since I haven’t meditated at all, in any sort of regularity, since that one year at Oglethorpe University when all the Zen monks visited from Japan and there was a meditation group. So I went into this a total hot mess and expected what? To see immediate happy results?  To be “fixed”?

I laugh now, but yeah that’s what I was hoping for. I wasn’t a happy smiling face in the crowd. I was a snotty inflamed mess, but one that got to neutral – a step out of the pit. What a beautiful release to feel. And underneath all that finally hear the quiet loving voice that has been there all along saying “I love you” and really fully deeply believe it. Down to the bones. Down to the root.

 So that was my imperfect unexpected experience. There is so so so much more, but that is the gist of it, and this blog post is already so so so long. If you ever decide to try Vipassana, your results will vary. Because everyone is different and constantly changing – you can’t expect anything but some amount of change going in.

But wait! There’s more!

Even though I’ve tried to wax poetic about my experience, there were still some Icks that came up (am I using that term right Gen Z?) One thing that never made sense to me was Goenka repeatedly saying that his version of Vipassana was passed down through the generations directly from the Buddha himself and kept in its pure form by practitioners in Myanmar (then Burma). It was now making its resurgence through his efforts and is a non-sectarian technique. I don’t know enough about the history of Buddhism and didn’t have Google to investigate the veracity of his claims, but you’re telling me, in the longest game of Telephone – over 2500 years – that not one person changed the wording, adding or subtracting anything? That, in essence, this technique is straight from Buddha’s mouth? I wasn’t sure about that.

With the non-sectarianism, you aren’t ever asked to give up your religion, but Goenka repeats not to mix anything with Vipassana, even when you go home. I think the idea was that you’d find Vipassana so perfect and pure that you’d eventually start to see the flaws in your current religious or spiritual practice and naturally “give it up”. But a sticking point for me was that I didn’t fully understand his version of this “pure method”. What if you don’t feel/see his version of the truth? He did say to question everything and not to accept what he says as fact. That you have to experience the truth in your own body. But what he doesn’t go into is how to integrate the parts of Vipassana that make sense to you. It seemed like an all-or-nothing deal. There was some pseudoscience bandied about as proof which sounded a little fishy to me, but I’m no scientist or expert on Vipassana so I just let most of that go.

Goenka began most of his meditations with “Start with a calm and tranquil mind”, and my irritated brain would immediately pipe up – yeah how? I need concrete steps on HOW TO DO THAT because just watching my breath is making it worse. I felt like there was a step I missed or maybe wasn’t explained properly. I mean towards the end I was able to focus more, but only through sheer willpower. Surely there has to be an easier method? When I asked the A.T. how to quiet the noise she only said to ignore it and to bring my attention back when I’ve noticed it wandered, which was…not helpful.

The A.T.s were nice and mostly helpful but never expounded in any real way on the theory. For the most part they’d just repeat what Goenka said, sometimes verbatim. It wasn’t until the last day that my A.T. branched out a bit when saw my snotty red face. But the sticky points of contention were never answered and it felt like the whole program was set up to be “one size fits all”. If it is not working, the fault is yours for not working the technique properly. But what if you are physically incapable of sitting for hours or your brain is chemically and/or structurally different? I don’t think the A.T.s are prepared to discuss those accommodations, because “Vipassana is universal and pure” and therefore needs no adjustment. Also something to keep in mind is that whatever you tell the A.T. doesn’t have to be held in confidence. They are not held to a confidentiality standard like health professionals, so one needs to tread lightly with the deeply personal stuff.

To be clear, I got the feeling that Goenka truly believed what he was teaching. Never once did I feel like I was being forced to agree with him or believe everything he said. I’ve seen some critiques of Goenka’s Vipassana saying it is a cult, but I think that’s because some of the terminology is “us vs them”. The main person who stands to gain any power or prestige – SN Goenka – died in 2013. There is no personality you are worshipping. The A.T.s stick to the script. While you are encouraged to donate for future students, they don’t hard sell the issue. And even though you are told you have to agree to stay the full 10 days, you can leave if you truly want and I saw people doing so. So I’m not really seeing the cult vibes at the Jesup Ga location. Now of course the A.T.s are not infallible and I can’t speak for the “vibes” at other centers.

There were some other deeper philosophical implications of Vipassana I’m not qualified to argue, but overall I think it is a good meditation method. It helped me focus and get a little bit quiet. I’m sure more work on that would help. Would I do it again? Probably not. I did appreciate the space and the time to really go inward and discover things I’d been ignoring or at the very least unaware of due to all the external noise. You’re given the patience to just do what you are doing and be who you are without all the outside chaos. Though I can appreciate all that, I think I got what I needed out of it and right now don’t need another course.

And what exactly did I get out of it? A meditation method that helps with recognizing signals from my body – one might even say the unconscious. A newfound devotion to finding that quiet source of love within. The focus and determination to keep a meditation practice going (now that I know it works…somewhat, still working out the finer points). I’m taking what worked and disregarding what doesn’t – just as Goenka recommended. So I guess I’m a success?

If you are thinking about going

  1. Read the whole website. Ask them questions if you have any.
  2. Maybe do a little background research on Buddhism in general.
  3. Make sure you are mentally fit enough. If you have any questions about this, talk to a Mental Health professional and also the center themselves. They are pretty open about what Vipassana can do for you, but it is not therapy.
  4. Figure out your best meditation position. Crossed legs? Kneeling? Gonna need a chair? You can bring your own meditation pillows, but it’s not necessary. They have bins of pillows/blankets there and they can provide chairs – usually just a plastic lawn chair.
  5. Get a massage before going and loosen up them muscles!
  6. Stop all caffeine, alcohol, and non-prescription drug use before going – get those detox reactions over at home – those caffeine headaches! Regarding alcohol and other non-prescription drugs: talk to your doctor before quitting. Quitting alcohol can cause severe life-threatening withdrawal symptoms that need to be monitored by a health professional. If you aren’t sure where you stand, ask your doctor.
  7. Speaking of drugs: bring your normal pharmacy needs – your prescriptions, your “as neededs”, your “I only use this when I get bug bites”, all of it. You can’t just dip out to CVS for whatever you need. You may want to consider bringing a saline nasal spray if you know you will be sitting in A/C and that dries out your sinuses.
  8. Bring a water bottle/cup. Also maybe a hot beverage tumbler?
  9. Bring weather gear if you’ll be walking outside.
  10. For those who wear bras – find the most comfy, least intrusive feeling one you can.
  11. This applies to the Jesup, GA location only: Women! Stay off the walking path in the swamp/woods during the hot weather (hell, probably all year round?). The mosquitos are open for business 24/7.

The End

So that’s all. You made it to end. There is more to my story and I’ll be chewing on this for a long while. But this post is surely long enough. If you have any questions about Goenka’s Vipassana, check out their website – dhamma.org.  If you have any questions about your personal physical or mental health readiness, seek out professional healthcare providers. If you have any questions about my personal experience, ask away! Not sure I’ll be able to answer, but I can try.

Hadrian’s Wall – Days 0-2

Day 0

Today consisted of a long bus ride from London to Carlisle. It was mostly uneventful, which is how I want my mass transit: as planned. I got to see the landscape change from urban to country. Except for a stop over in the rather dirty looking Birmingham, it was nice to ride through. We got a nice view of the Yorkshire Dales National Park, which looks like it would be a harshly beautiful hike. Near late afternoon, we made it Carlisle, the first stop on our walk of Hadrian’s Wall.

Day 1 – 14 miles

Started the day with my first English breakfast. Thumbs ups to the eggs and mushrooms, but everything else was either too greasy or weird. Beans and grilled tomatoes for breakfast? Nah. Also the bacon was thinly sliced ham, a Canadian cousin? Or now that I think about it, where the Canadians got it from? I didn’t touch the black pudding, because I still can’t get over that its made from coagulated pigs blood and suet. Plus who knew what it would do to my stomach and me not being near a bathroom all day is not a situation I wanted to be in.

After breakfast a taxi drove us to the start point: Bowness-on-Solway. An unassuming parking lot housed the trail marker. The sun was bright and the wind was whipping. Towards the north was a waterway I never got the name of, and the land on the other side was Scotland!. We got our pics and started along a grassy path near the water. The tide was out, so the view was more mudflats than water. I could see a network of seagull footprints.

The trail went inland towards a roman fort museum where we got our first stamp. Then it was a walk along a road trying to dodge cars on the “wrong” side of the road. The water views gave way to grassy fields and occasional shaded lanes. I was grateful for the shade because I forgot to bring my sunglasses (they’re prescription) and the sun was unexpectedly very bright. There were cute little cottages and ye olde churches with graveyard full of indecipherable gravestones.

Near lunch time Tanya and I made it to a path that cut near a bunch of sheep fields who didn’t seem to have any fenced off boundaries. So there was sheep shit everywhere. The side of the path was lined with prickly Hawthorne and stinging nettle, which made for an rather unpleasant walking experience. We found a spot free of visible mounds of fecal matter near the road and ate lunch.

The hotel we stayed at packed us a lunch (that we paid for by the way) which consisted of a “sandwich”, crisps (chips) and a biscuit (cookie). I was dubious about the sandwich because it was just literally turkey and butter on white bread. Apparently that is how they make sandwiches in England. Cheese is occasionally added, but no veggies of any kind. I wonder what that is about?

We started back up toward Carlisle and eventually made our way back to town. My feet were crackling with fiery pain by the time we met concrete. I lamented my decision to not buy new shoes. Tanya seemed to be having trouble with her shoes as well. It was lucky we were back in moderately sized town who’d have some shopping options.

We made it back to the hotel and it was so nice to be able to chill indoors! I could get used to this! Dinner consisted of a bag of pancakes from Asda. Yes they sold pancakes in a bag, and you know what, they were pretty good.

Day 2 – 14 miles

Some may be wondering why I’m using miles while the British use metric. You know, apparently that switch wasn’t too long ago and I met plenty of British folk who still used miles. Also I’m just used to measuring my steps in miles and trying to switch to km doesn’t feel right – my body knows miles not kilometers.

Anywhoozle, we started out late so Tanya could find some new shoes. Her current boots were too small and stiff. There was a sports store on our way out of town where she was able to pick up some better footwear and I picked up some insoles. Appropriately fitted out, we started along a river path and it was already humid and gross.

There were a few shady spots: lanes with oaks and border shrubs. We passed through cute little hamlets, literally. One such spot in Newton & White Flatt won “Best Tidy Village” in 2013. Hamlets. Villages. It was all so quaint!

We passed along a part of “the wall” where you could see the mounds and ditches where the wall would have been if it was still there. We haven’t actually seen the wall yet in fact, just ghostly imprints in the land. We did see however, a lot of sheep and cows. The cows made me think of the comic “The Farside”. I don’t know why, these particular cows seemed to have that attitude. Also walked through a pack of horses who wanted to gnaw on my pack.

There was a little hut in the afternoon that we stopped at with fresh cold bottles of water. It also had a mailbox from Queen Victoria’s time. They put the initials of the current reigning monarch on the postal boxes, so Tanya made it a bit of a game to find ones that were rare. You’d see a lot of “E R” around because of course Queen Elizabeth had such a long reign. It was a surprise to see the “V R” and it was a nice break.

The path started to get a bit rough, with steep inclines through slippery grassy hillsides. We had to keep a bit of a pace since we were meeting a cab to take us to our accommodations in Brampton. So there wasn’t time to take it easy. Near the end of our day we finally came to a bit of the WALL! Finally! An actual piece of Hadrian’s Wall in the physical. Also, it was supposed to be the tallest bit of the wall left intact. We stopped for a second to take some pictures and ohh/ahh over ancient stones stacked in a particular manner. It seemed that Tanya had a little bit more gas left in her tank and was able to scoot along and meet the taxi before I got there.

We got shuttled to the Howards Arms Inn and I got to take another shower!! Such luxuries. Also there was a restaurant downstairs that served the usual pub fare.

Epilogue Part 2: Gear Review

Gossamer Gear Mariposa – 32.7 oz

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The Grey Ghost’s school pic

Seeing as how I’ve never backpacked before, I didn’t have many preconceived notions about how they should look and feel. If I had, this pack would have met all those expectations. Coming in at just a little over 2 pounds, this lightweight pack meets the sweet spot of weight, price and load capacity. For me anyway.

I had to dial in how the pack works because the stays came out and ended up poking through the pack making everything crumble. Gossamer Gear’s customer service sent me a new smaller hip belt and the Air Flow Sitlight Camp seat that acts as a back pad in the pack. I’m not sure why they just don’t go ahead and make that the standard back pad because that foam piece it comes with, is useless and sweaty. With the new hip belt and airy back pad I was set. The weight is displaced on your hips and the shoulders keep the pack from shifting. The hip belt was cushy and never caused any skin breakdown. I usually carried a load of 25-30 lbs with food and water and noticed that the pack carried heavier loads beautifully. In fact it seemed like the pack carried better when it was loaded down.

I am a big fan of the the pocket set up. The large side pocket kept my hammock easily accessible for quick set up. The smaller side pockets kept the things I use everyday within reach. Unlike some certain bird-named packs, I could reach my water bottles with the pack still on. The large back mesh pocket allowed me to carry wet things to dry out while I walked. The top flap (not technically a pocket I know) was great for putting extra things on top to cinch down. The hip belt pockets were big enough to carry my phone (Galaxy S9) and wallet in one and a days worth of snacks in the other. I came to judge other packs on their pocket arrangement and only ULA came close.

The only thing I’d change about it other than the back pad is the width of the shoulder straps. They were definitely made for wide shoulders and no boobs. I made it work, but I think narrower straps would have been more comfortable.

The Gray Ghost, as it came to be known, held up through thunderstorms, rocks, and every other weather/terrain the Appalachian Trail offers. After five months it survived with only two little tears in the mesh pocket. Overall, I’d say this is a great pack for loads up to 30ish lbs and long distance hiking.

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The Gray Ghost in action

 

Six Moons Lunar Solo – 26 oz

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TL;DR: It never looked like this

Initially I liked the ease of set up and the weight, but I never could get the damn vestibule taut. It was a choice of one side or the other. I set up this tent over 30 times, all in different ways, and could never get it to a) form a bathtub bottom and b) form a vestibule both low to the ground and taut. Also it does not block the rain very well. I got caught in a thunderstorm and despite putting leaves all around to divert the water, the rain soaked through all my stuff. I also felt very claustrophobic in the small space. I sent this home for my hammock in Damascus.

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Meh.

Hennessy Hammock Ultralite Backpacker – 31 oz

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Henny class photo.

The Appalachian trail is all trees so you are never worried about finding enough of those to hang a hammock. This particular hammock is super lightweight and super comfortable. It takes a few set ups to figure out the hanging angles and what works for you. I added an under quilt to my set up and slept like a baby. The asymmetrical fly is designed to coordinate with the hammock to keep the rain off without adding too much weight. I used this in the pouring rain and stayed dry and warm all night. I like the bug net attached to hammock and the pocket hanging from the main line.

The only draw back (and this applies to all hammocks) is that you have nowhere to put your backpack. I usually left it hanging out underneath me and in wet conditions would wrap it my Tyvek sheet left over from my tent.

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Henny in action

REI Joule 21 Sleeping bag – 35 oz & Enlightened Equipment Revelation – 16.55 oz

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The beetle of sleeping bags

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The ferrari of sleeping quilts

The Joule 21 is a perfectly serviceable cold weather sleeping bag rated to 21 degrees. I got this with my REI Co-op dividends and a sale, otherwise I would have gone for a more light weight option. My feet never got cold and in fact I often had to open the bag to cool down. It is also very water resistant. One time I went to sleep with damp clothes from rain and woke up totally dry and warm. This thing is like an oven. However it is just a hair north of being too heavy for thru hiking.

I ended up sending home for my Enlightened Equipment Revelation quilt rated to 30 degrees when it got warmer. The only reason I didn’t take it to begin with was that the temperature rating on the quilt was not accurate. I spent a very cold night at Death Valley NP in the EE quilt where it got down to the 30s and froze my butt off. I’d say EE’s temp rating system is optimistic at best, and if you go with them to add 10 degrees to what you think you might need. If you are a cold sleeper, go down 20 degrees. During warmer months though, this quilt is nice because it allows for better air flow acting like a normal blanket. If it gets cool, you can use the elastic bands to cinch it close to your body and to your sleeping pad, as well as using the zipper and cord to close up the foot box. This quilt packs down to the size of a Nalgene bottle and you can stuff it anywhere.

 

Sea to Summit Comfort Light Sleeping Pad Short – 20.1 oz

S2S Comfort light insulated

I went with this pad for it’s insulation rating (R-value) of 4.2 and it’s thickness of 2.5 inches. I’m a serious side sleeper and knew I’d need the cushion on my hips. This pad performed very well. I never felt my hips touch the ground, it never leaked and I was never cold. It took about 10 breaths to blow up and the clever dump valve let air out in one big poof. I didn’t have to squeeze any air out like the other pads. This brand is also the quietest. A lot of other pads are loud AF (I’m looking at you Therm-a-rest) when people shift in the night.

I switched over to the Sea to Summit Ultralight pad with the warmer weather. It weighs considerably less at 12.1 oz and packs down much smaller. I lost 1/2 inch in thickness, but it didn’t seem to matter. I put my sit pad under my hips anyway and still slept fine. The R-value is non-existent at 0.7 and I felt it the last night in Maine when it got down to the 30s, but it was only a mild chill underneath that didn’t keep me from sleeping.

Sea to Summit Aero Ultralight Pillow – 2 oz

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A must have. I will never not use it. I kept it under inflated for a more comfortable sleep. The only thing is that the fabric can get sticky with sweat, so I would usually add my fleece pull over over it.

Snow Peak Litemax – 1.9 oz

lite max

This stove is a champ. I made a aluminum foil wind screen and it always lit and boiled my water. It’s super small, lightweight, and never failed me.

Snow Peak Mini Solo Cookset – 5.5 oz

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Shown here is the smaller cup in the set. I ended up not using it as much and could have sent it home. The larger “pot” holds the fuel canister and stove when packed up. I used the pot the most. The handles do get hot but cool down very quickly once the heat is turned off. I would like the handles to be coated with some sort of heat reducer for better use when cooking. I used a camp towel to insulate my hand. Otherwise, very useful and compact.

Sea to Summit Alpha Light Spork Long – 0.4 oz

It’s a spork. It did its job.

Marmot Precip Rain Jacket – 11.4 oz

Did not like. It’s very heavy to carry and did not repel water at all. I was more soaked on the inside than out. The only thing it did well was keep the heat in. If I’m going to be wet anyway, I’m going to find a lighter weight jacket.

Bedrock Sandals – 9 oz

LOVED! They pack down really flat and if you pair them with toe socks become the best camp shoes! They are pretty comfortable to walk in around town too. Mine are still going strong, unlike some of those bulky Crocs I saw on the trail.

Petzl Tikka Headlamp – 3 oz

Probably could have gone for no-weight LED pen light or something, but I already had this and it worked great. It’s better suited for night hiking, which I did none of, so I didn’t use it much. I paired it with the USB rechargeable battery and didn’t have any issues. The most I used this was the red light for going to pee in the middle of the night. FYI: use the damn red light when getting up in the dark, especially if you are in the shelter. I was surprised at how many people would nonchalantly blast the white high beam with everyone sleeping.

Black Diamond Hiking poles

The Z-poles kept breaking on me. Dirt and grit gets up in the pole and makes it impossible to disassemble. Next time I’m going to go with adjustable.

Darn Tough Socks

The only problem with these is not having enough.

Ex-Officio Underwear

Best underwear ever! Thru hikers, do yourself a favor and get black undies. I wore one pair pretty much the whole way. They are still intact, kept the smell down, and dried out in 5 minutes. For some reason the outfitters think women want flowers and pastels so I ended up with a lavender pair, but only wore them in town. Like I said, get black.

Patagonia R2 Fleece

Easily my favorite piece of clothing. It was light enough to hike in and not get too sweaty, but still warm. I’d put the hood up on cold nights to cover my head while sleeping. When it was warm, I’d use it over my pillow. I ended up using it for warmth more than I thought I would. It gets chilly up at night up in them mountains.

Guthook’s App

Very useful. It tells you where you are on a map, how far away you are from waypoints, and has elevation profiles. You can change it from Northbound to Southbound. The comments on waypoints are helpful for finding out if water sources are dry or services in town.

 

Any questions about gear, just let me know!

100 Mile Wilderness and the Last Boss Level: Katahdin

Day 145

Mile 2190

Thanks for the pep talk Teddy

Starting after Monson, Maine is the great 100 mile wilderness. It leads right up to Baxter state park which, of course is end of the AT and Katahdin. Before you even start the trail is this funny sign that warns you of the many dangers of the wilderness.

Not to downplay what could be some serious danger, but there were logging roads and you heard planes, trains, and automobiles all through the place. We got Shaw’s in Monson to drop off a supply of food about halfway through which took some weight off the back. The first half the trail is pretty rugged and had some serious ups and downs. I liked that there were ponds and lakes everywhere. Even if you weren’t on top of a mountain there was still some scenery. I have to hand it to the Maine Appalachian Trail Club for maintaining this part through. They had a lot of stone steps that were helpful.

On the third day Tiger decided it was time for him to head out and go home. He wasn’t feeling it anymore I suppose and on that day I wasn’t either. It was oddly hot and humid, but I decided I was going to get to Katahdin come hell or high water…or chaffing. After a rather anticlimactic goodbye, I slogged my way to the next stop. Luckily the weather turned cooler the next day and I tackled White Cap mountain range where I spied my first view of Katahdin.

After White Cap and my food delivery the trail got substantially easier. I managed 17 miles without much pain which is a first. This section of the trail made is easy to camp next to lakes. So for the next three nights I stealth camped next to gently lapping water and caught amazing sunsets and sunrises. I met quite a few NOBOs who were flying through this part in a hurry to get to Big K. Im not sure why they didn’t slow down and enjoy the last few miles as they were the prettiest I’ve seen so far.

The last night before Baxter I stayed at Rainbow Lake with two other hikers, Daniel and Larry. They started up a fire by the lake. It got pretty chilly overnight and in the morning it had to be in the 40s. I started early so I could secure a spot at the Birches in Baxter which only lets in 12 hikers for the night.

Throughout the final half of the 100 miles you keep getting glimpses of Katahdin looming in the distance. It gets closer and closer. After all this time and effort to get there I felt my self slowing down to enjoy what little time I had left of the “easy stuff”. But I knew I’d have to confront the last boss level soon and as I crossed Abol bridge there it was up close and very real.

I made my way into Baxter State park and signed up to camp at the Birches. At 10:40am I was already 9th on the list. Everyone who signed up before me was there at 7:50. The 8 miles to the ranger station at Katahdin Stream Campround were bittersweet. They managed throw in some more pointless ups and downs while mixing in some of the prettiest riverside walking. And then finally I was there, ready to camp for the last time. Two guys bought some fire wood and we all sat around the blessedly hot fire telling tales and complaining about the trail.

I took my time going up Katahdin partly to be in the moment and also because it is really freaking hard. About halfway up you start to get into seriously technical rock climbing. It’s an amazing feeling to be at the top looking down from something that looked impossible and think “I did that”.

Once you get onto the Tablelands the last mile or so is pretty easy. I crested the last hill and saw the famous sign. I got a little teary eyed and then noticed there about 50 people around it. I waited my turn to take a picture and then I was done. It was both overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time.

I didn’t know how I felt, and still don’t. That scene from Forrest Gump kept running through my head. Where he stops running and says “I’m pretty tired. I think I’ll go home now”.

So I went back down the mountain on the ridiculously hard Abol trail and set my sights on getting to Millinocket, where I showered, laundered, drank one beer and then fell promptly fell asleep.

I thought I might have some life altering revelation, but it’s not as big as that. Just little moments that you can hold onto like weightless gold coins in your hand. Snippets of memories like laughing with Tiger at camp, sunsets, amazing mountain views, the sunlight turning the forest into a cathedral, the pain in my knees and the breath in my lungs. All those things add up to something I suppose. I’m not sure what yet though.

New Hampshire

Day 134

Mile 1845.5

New Hampshire starts out right away letting you know it’s not fooling around. The mud is deep, the climbs are steep, and the city prices are expensive. You start out in Hanover which is the home of Dartmouth. Even though the trail literally walks through that town, the townsfolk look at you like you are a dirty vagrant. Which is technically true. But still, I didn’t appreciate the implication. Oh and a cashier at the co-op told me that my driver’s license picture didn’t do me any favors…um, thanks?

Nothing about the town is cheap, so a few of the locals got together and formed a group of trail angels who let you stay at their house. One such angel, Greg, invited us to stay in his home. He makes a book each year of all the thru hikers he hosts.

The southern part of NH ramps up the difficulty level incrementally. Each mountain I went over seemed bigger and harder than the last. All the way up Moose mountain it threatened to rain so there wasn’t a view, but someone marked up the sign to the shelter. That gave me a chuckle.

Smarts mountain had a fire tower on top of it that was my end point for the day. I kept seeing it at various points and everytime it seemed so far away. At one opening in the trees which was supposedly 1.8 miles away I saw the tower again and about cried. It still looked like a twig on top of this huge mountain. Going up Smarts was steep enough that there was rebar steps to get up the slick rock face. Once I got to the top I of course had to climb the fire tower and enjoy the sunset.

The Dartmouth Outdoor Club (DOC) seems to have a sense of humor when it comes to their shelters and privies.

I got into Glencliff where the hardware store was also a gas station and my resupply.

The next big climb was Moosilauke, in which I took a wrong turn and briefly ended up in a forgotten cemetary. Going up wasn’t actually that bad, it was going down that was treacherous. On top was windy (at least 40 mph) and cold. I tried to take a panorama but everytime I turned west, the wind knocked me over. So I didn’t stick around too long. But like I said going down was rock hopping from one precarious situation to the next. The was a nice brook waterfall next to the trail that changed characteristics as you went down.

After a lovely stay in the town of Lincoln, we started on the deceptively begnin sounding White Mountains. Serendipitously, Hollow Leg (who I met in GA and actually lives in NH) texted me and gave us a ride to the trailhead. I’m kicking myself because I forgot to get a picture!

So the thing about the Whites is that they are known as the seriously hardest part of the trail. Dante could have based The Divine Comedy off these moutains. I knew this and thought I was prepared, but oh how wrong I was. Mt Wolf wasn’t so bad, but going up the Kinsmans demonstrated my clear lack of athletic ability and preparedness. Imagine two miles of just straight up rock climbing on slippery surfaces carrying a 30 pound pack. My knees quickly stated that they did not sign up for this. Where before my pace was 2-2.5 mph, it slowed down to a crawl. So it’s taking longer than I thought it would, I’m not as tough as I though I was, and my knees are pretty much kaput now. The views are spectacular though.

Franconia Ridge was quite the hike. Its above the treeline and very cinematic. Also very windy. There were several cloud rivers going over the peaks. I stood and watched as they flowed from one side to dissipate on the other. By the time I got up to Mt Lafayette everything was cloud covered and gray with hurricane-esque winds. I hunkered down behind a rock wall to eat my lunch. Then it was the bone crunching descent that seriously worried me. It might have been fun if it was a slip and slide situation with pillows at the bottom…but it wasn’t.

I’ve been feeling like quitting every day since I started the Whites. Not because I don’t want the challenge, but my body has clearly stated is no uncertain terms that it isn’t ready for this. You’d think after all this time I would’ve been, but I know I started at a serious deficit in the fitness department. And while I have gained some muscle it’s still not enough to safely enjoy this hardest part. I’ve decided to skip, again, and go up to Monson where the 100 mile wilderness begins and finish this journey. My knees just let out a sigh of relief.

I don’t think of it as a failure, but of as a lesson learned of my own physical limitations and the necessary preparation required for future difficult adventures. I’ve already got vaporous plans of a SOBO thru hike one day, where you get the hard stuff out of the way first. Kinda like eating all your vegetables before enjoying the steak.

Tiger’s action shots:

Vermont (or Vermud)

Day 121

Mile 1748.7

The rain kept me and Tiger in Bennington, VT longer than planned. The downpour flooded the roads and there were flash flood warnings for our exact location. It would seem that Vermont does not divert its water well.

We waited out the worst of the rain. Even so, it was raining when we got back on the trail. The first thing I heard was a loud rumbling of an overfull creek. Luckily there was a bridge. The actual rain died down as the day went on. The mud situation was out of control though. It was giving me flashbacks of that traumatizing childhood movie The Neverending Story.

Nooooo Artax!

There was no going around the mud. You try to bushwack to get around it but there is so much, it eventually becomes a pointless endeavor to stay dry. You get mud in shoes, on your legs, in your hair, and in your soul. You become one with the mud. This is my home now.

The water up here is tinted brown. I hear that’s because of tannins caused by peat and other decaying organic matter. It makes the creeks look like flowing beer. Or maybe that’s just me.

The water at one creek was so high I had to wade through it. It was a little nerve racking. I put on my sandals and got to stepping through the beer river.

The first night out of Bennington we stayed at a shelter where two nitwits woke up 6am and started yakking at each other loudly about their water bottles and other related hiking issues. I was, of course, still asleep but that didn’t deter our intrepid explorers from yelling their very important business for everyone to hear. Tiger got a hilarious picture of me rising from my slumber.

Seriously dude? STFU!

There was a lovely fire tower after that on top of Glastenbury mountain to assauge my nerves though. 360° views of somewhat not rainy Vermont. The breeze was cool and the sun was bright…for awhile.

The next night we were at an unofficial AT cabin with an actual wood burning stove. The water source was a refreshing brook with cold clear water. It made my feet go numb after two minutes which was a blessing.

Another group of nitwits came up dithering about whether or not to sleep in the cabin. Are there mice or not? I don’t know, I don’t want to sleep in here if there are mice. Where is that other person going to sleep? Who’s sleeping where? Are there mice? What are we eating for dinner? Did you put your stuff down? Are there mice in here?

This went on for 20 minutes, which is 19 minutes too long. I was already laying down and rolled my eyes so hard I might have pulled a muscle.

Yes they stayed in the cabin.

No there were no mice.

There was a pub in Manchester Center that boasted the portrait below as their original founder. The cheeseburger was good.

The best sleep in a shelter I’ve had so far was in Peru Peak. There was a rushing creek right in front and it masked all the normal nighttime noises one gets in a shelter. All the snoring, farting, and squeaky sleep pads disappeared as I listened to real time nature sounds.

It started raining off and on. We made it by Lost Pond in a freak break from the never ending precipitation. It would have been a nice spot to camp if the hordes of boy scouts hadn’t already claimed it.

There are these stone walls all over the place. I’m sure they marked boundaries of old farms and whatnot, but I still don’t like them. The Blair Witch Project, while hilariously not scary, left me with a distrust of old stone walls in the middle of nowhere. Especially when they have rusty implements sitting around them.

Going up over White Rocks was spooky. There were two rock gardens where people started a stacking trend. The light was a humid gray that sharpened the edges. The tall pines creaked and moaned like an old house. As pretty as it was, I didn’t dally too long.

There is apparently a porcupine problem up in this area. I guess they’re like possums down south.

And then it was off to Killington peak. Which I didn’t go all the way up. It was a 0.2 steep climb up some rocks and it was a cloudy day. On the way down I saw this puppy in a basket. I lost my shit.

At the end of a blue blaze you come upon this vision.

Dry beds! Showers! Best of all an Irish pub! The Inn at Long Trail! Tiger and I zeroed here and went to the next town over to resupply.

Incidentally Rutland also boasts the Yellow Deli and Hiker hostel run by the 12 Tribes. It’s known on the trail as “that cult deli”. They serve good food and Tiger remarked that whoever is running their marketing knows their stuff. I didn’t drink the kool-aid, but their Chai latte was delicious.

A random selfie picture Inception moment:

The stretch after Killington was super hilly and seemed to go up and down for no reason. I learned a new term: PUDS, or pointless ups and downs. At some point we had to climb down a ladder.

We stayed at a privately owned cabin that had a deck on top. Unfortunately the clouds obscured the views, but they made for some interesting pictures.

Tiger wanted to go into Woodstock which wasn’t anywhere near the trail. I said alright “but only because I don’t want a pouty and sulky Tiger, and if this shit goes sideways you’re gonna hear about it!” We managed to get a hitch from a nice lady named Victoria and ate at the Mountain Creamery. I had the best Brownie a la mode! So I guess it didn’t go sideways.

A Tiger and his pack

In West Hartford a trail angel named Linda gave us cold sodas and let us sleep in her barn.

West Hartford also had the most interesting signs.

Then it was a nice walk into Hanover, New Hampshire! Vermont is done!

Massachusetts

Day 106

Mile 1611.7

The forest is has a different feel in New England. We entered into what is called a Temperate Broad Leaf and Mixed Forest or Boreal, as a sign on one Mt. Greylock helpfully informed me. There are Birches, Maple, and Beeches mixed in with Balsam Firs and lots of moss. In the higher elevation the pines create a different color scheme so as to make everything seem that it is coated in this deep burgundy sepia. Combined with the sun shining down through the trees it feels like a sacred place; like a cathedral in the woods. That along with all the positive comments on Facebook has revived my commitment to see this journey through to the end. So thank you guys!

The first place we stopped at Goose Lake Cabin which boasted a large bunk house but after getting there we found out it was full of STINKY hikers. Seriously, I went in and checked for any open spots and was nearly suffocated by the stench. Closer quarters are not kind to the hiker. The pond itself was nice though.

The mosquitoes up here are no joke either, bout got ate up alive. I finally retreated to my hammock with its new under quilt, which was cozy and blissfully bug free.

The awesome thing about Massachusetts are the little towns you walk through within a day of each other. In Dalton we stopped for an awesome brunch full of real food that powered my way up a mountain.

Mt. Greylock had a CCC built lodge on top that offered a cheap bunk room and well received showers. However their $38 prix fixe dinner was not so well received. I ate the usual trail food from my bag, but with a nice view.

Afterwards we passed through a little town called North Adams that had a weird playground next to an elementary school. I’m sure most of the “figures” were bugs or animals it I’m not certain what the last one was supposed to be.

Finally after one last insane rocky climb there was the Vermont border and the start of the Long Trail. And the mud got even worse. It about grabbed my shoe off at one point!

Finally we got to Bennington, VT in much rain to a quaint little hotel with squirrels of a different sort.

After a much needed break we’ll be heading out into what the forecast says is more rain. Yaaaay. But at least I have many clean dry socks (as of right now.)

My way and the highway

Day forever

Mile it doesn’t matter

After Hapers Ferry, Tiger had to go home to care of his sick wife and I was suddenly on my own for Maryland. The first day out I could barely make it 6 miles. The combination of multiple days off, mental fatigue, homesickness, and intestinal distress really took a toll. Also I was missing my friend who made the trail seem like less of a trial.

A few days into what should have been one of the easiest parts became a burden. I was cry-walking and stumbling over my feet. I wasn’t enjoying any part of it, which sounds whiney I know. But it made me think again of why I’m doing this and after a pep talk from my Dad (and some food) I decided to at least get to Waynesboro, PA. Then it started to downpour, like flooding.

I got to a hotel and holed up. The rain caused a leak in the bathroom ceiling. I watched videos of the trail turned into a river. And then Tiger texted with plans of coming back! So we decided to skip up to Massachusetts.

Now some thru hiking purists would scoff at such a plan. But I really dont care. I was super close to quitting anyway and this isn’t a job I have to complete. I guess I can’t really call myself a thru hiker anymore, maybe an adventure hiker?

So we skipped up to Great Barrington, MA and will be getting back onto trail tomorrow.

Harpers Ferry: Halfway to the Danger Zone

Day 88

Mile 1024.8

It has been a lot of stops and starts from Front Royal. The heat and humidity have done what previous perils could not: made me just want to up and stop. Mentally anyway. Other than sweating forever times, it hasn’t any ill effects. It takes a real toll on the old brain meats though. I didn’t want to quit, but a nice vacation from my vacation is what we needed.

Coming out of Front Royal was a Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute that had in parts some serious Jurassic Park and Stranger Things vibes going on.

Went through Sky Meadows which was quite nice.

And then the Rollercoaster started. It’s 14 miles of brutal climbs and knee crunching descents. Not a switch back in sight. The maintainers of this trail think it is funny and put up a sign. I was not as amused. It is during this sadistic hike that I passed the 1000 mile mark.

Got into Harpers Ferry which is the “mental halfway point” with the actual mile halfway point being a little over 100 miles past the town. Is a cute little historic town that sits on the confluence of the Shenandoah and Potomac rivers. It also played a starring role in the Civil War with John Brown.

I stopped by the Appalachian Trail Conservancy to get my photo taken. I’m NOBO hiker #1509 to register at the center.

Tiger’s wife Lyda picked us up for a quick break in Berkeley Springs WV. I sat in AC, met some kittens, and ate a bunch of good food. The star of the show was the pupper Zinger though. See below.

And now it’s back onto the trail.

The heat is on

Day 82

Mile 970.8

Sorry for the delay in updates. We’ve had some technical issues at Compass Blog World Headquarters. I dropped my phone and broke the screen. I know you were all anxious about my progress. Well you can settle down now and continue on. This is is long one. Buckle in.

I’m going get to let you in on a little secret. The Appalachian trail gets boring. It’s at this point that a lot of hikers quit because they’re tired of walking 20 miles a day in a green tunnel. I’m not sure why some hikers are so driven to “bust out the miles” unless that is some sort of fun for them. I personally don’t see the point or fun in staring at your feet and dreading every minute.

Me and Tiger haven’t really had this problem. Mostly because we don’t do 20 mile days and we stop whenever we want. We’ve had problems to be sure. Intestinal distress, blistering heat, and cracked phones have dogged us. Tiger even broke his tooth and had to have it pulled.

After leaving Pearisburg, rain dampened my gear and spirits. It was somehow both raining and humid at the same time. Topping this off was some pretty tough trail. Mercifully the rain was short lived as we made our way to the lovely hamlet of Catawba where the much famed Homeplace is located.

It’s a homestyle restaurant that I’d heard about at the beginning of the trail for having the best food and in large quantities. It did not disappoint. I didn’t take any pictures because the food didn’t stick around long enough… and also I was hungry. Omigod the food was soooooo good. The chicken was perfectly seasoned, the green beans and corn tasted fresh, and they kept all the foods coming as long as you could eat it. I’m hungry just thinking about it.

Tiger cracked his tooth “on some chicken” here. I’m still not convinced it was the chicken. Sure something was probably stuck in his gums but I’m pretty certain sticking a corkscrew in one’s mouth to get it out is what breaks one’s tooth. So he went ahead onto Daleville to see a dentist about a tooth.

I would have gone with him, but the next day was McAffes knob. It’s the most popular picture people take on the trail. If you Google this location you’ll find pics of people doing handstands and hanging off the cliff. I merely sat at the edge. The hype was true though. It is a truly awesome view.

I met a fellow Georgian at the hostel the night before who I walked with that day. Savage Butterfly and I made our way to Tinker Cliffs to watch the sunset and camp. It was another awe inspiring view. It was a slow day and we took it easy. I’m not sure if all those fast hikers even took the time to appreciate the views. The trail can be crushingly boring for days on end. You’ve got to really soak in the beautiful days when they happen.

I got to Daleville where I met up with Tiger, sans one tooth. When left there I realized I’d left my water bottles in the fridge at the hotel and had to hitch back into Troutville to get some more. I’m glad I did because that days climb was brutal. We went up to a gap that wasn’t a gap in 500% humidity. It was a 1000 feet elevation climb in less than a mile with no switchbacks. There was a shelter that we stopped at for lunch where a fighter jet buzzed the mountain. It literally sounded like a plane was crashing on top of us. I looked at Tiger and was all “bye bruh”. The adrenaline buzz left me shaken for awhile. I thought of all the patients to who I administered epinephrine drips and was glad at least they were on fentanyl and propofol as well.

After getting into Waynesboro we stayed at the best hostel on the trail so far. Stanimals boasted cold AC and clean accommodations. It’s the little things. Then we started the Shenandoah national park. It has Skyline Drive which parallels the AT. The first two days were blasting hot and humid. Any tiny incline resulted in budget loads of sweat. I probably lost and gained 5 lbs of water weight in an hour depending on my consumption.

The lovely Skyline

The second night we were plagued by a whippoorwill. They should have put up a warning sign like they do for bears. Warning! Whippoorwills are active in this area! They can and will keep you awake all night. Should you encounter an aggressive whippoorwill, too bad.

The third day, the aformentioned phone catastrophe happened and we had to go back to Waynesboro. It’s funny how attached to your phone you get. No maps, no camera, no cell service. Got that fixed, Stanimal was happy to see us again.

Where phone catastrophe struck

Made it to Big Meadows lodge that reminded me of FDR state park. Probably because it was built in the 30s. I spent the 4th walking to Byrds Nest #3 but only because Tiger liked saying “Boids Nest”. Mary’s rock was the next big view and the best one in the Shenny in my opinion.

We went into Luray (pronounced Loo-ray in case you’re wondering) to see the caverns, cause why not. My favorite part was the stalagtite organ. It used these plunger thingies to peck the stalagmites to produce a sound routed through to speakers. Overall very worth the side trip.

That’s a reflection on bottom

When we got back on the trail the heat decided to back off and it was actually pleasant. I finally saw some bears which is weird cause most people see 3-5 a day. The park is so narrow your chances of running into them are higher. They don’t bother you. Just kinda of stare and wonder off. They’re more interested in delicious berries.

Classy shenny drank

This is how you pack out blackberry wine.

Finally it was my last day in the Shenny and the weather was obliging. We decided to take advantage of the Skyline’s decidedly more gentle grade and better views while we could.

Then we left the national park and it was back onto crappy rocky trail. You could tell an immediate difference. And now I’m in Front Royal near the end of Virginia. Whew!